Hey, what’s up? What’s going on?
Crying about the Phillies? We should be ashamed of ourselves.
“Wooo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, ohhh… Atlanta will kick our backsides, wooo, hoo, hoo, whooo, we’re too old, we got no bullpen, Howard can’t hit no more, boo, hoo, hoo, hoooo…”
“Snifle, sniff, oh–booo, hooo, hoooo…”
We need to get hold of things. Wake up. This is Phillies baseball we’re talking about. Ashburn and Roberts, Schmidt, the Kruker, and the Secretary of Defense. Lefty and Dutch. Utley.
Hell, we even got Pete Rose in baseball jail. What other city has that? Huh? Nobody, that’s who. We loved Pete, remember? He told the President of the United States, ‘Yo, how you doin?’ Remember how proud we were?
We didn’t cry when they handcuffed him. We didn’t sniffle and bawl when he got sent to the big house with a bunch of psychopaths. We sucked it up.
You think Rocky’d be crying? “Yo, Adrian, Cole’s got a tired arm and we ain’t fightin‘ no more, ohhhhh, Adrian, woo, hoo, hoo, oh boo woo, hooo, woo, I can’t take it no more..let’s do a musical…”
Get real! What…you want to live in Seattle, where they have clean air?
“Whoooo boo…hoo, Washington stole Werth, and they got Harper…ohhhh, whooo, hoo, hoo, hoo, Strasburg throws too hard, we can’t hit him, that’s not fair, wooooo, woo, woo, and we got nobody cept‘ a washed up, over priced closer.”
Wake up, dammit. Stop reading the Inquirer. Bunch of do-good liberals saying the Fightens’ stink and aren’t going anywhere. Talk about not going anywhere! That paper rag is one step away from folding like the Mets with a five game lead. Get serious!
I’ll tell you what we got. We got Bowa, that’s what. He’s a lunatic in the dugout. When a player doesn’t hustle, Bowa will be on him like stink on a skunk.
Bowa will be in that dugout glaring, staring, rolling his eyes, shaking his head and spittin‘ on the dugout floor.
Sure, there’s been setbacks, like you can’t smoke anymore in the South Philly bars. “Boo hooo, hooo, too much secondary smoke, oh, boo, whooo, who.” That’s like saying if a guy gets shot on your block, you’re gonna die too because you live on that block. That’s nonsense.
And now it’s cheaper going to a game than watching it on Comcast. Remember when it was the other way around? “Ohhhh, it cost too much, turn it off, turn it off, woooooooo, hoo, hoo…”
Listen, we still have Utley, don’t we? And we have Cliff.
And we’re going to get Cole acupuncture and get his head unfatigued.
What about D-Brown? And Ruf, and Chooch, and a slimmed down Howard?
Are you kidding me? We’ve got Marlon Bryd. He went yard 24 times last season. So what if it was with 3 different teams?
Get behind this thing. We’re not winning no namby-pamby wild card. We’re winning the National League East. Coming from out of nowhere just like the Hollins’ led club of ’93.
Look up how the ’93 team did in ’92 — okay, I’ll do it for you, the team lost 92 games in ’92 — and how dismal they were in the ’93 spring training. Fans didn’t get behind them until July. That’s not going to happen with this Phillies team, we’re going to get behind them, NOW!
Boo, hoo, hoo, how we gonna do that when all we got are only two pitchers and one’s arm is tired and we got a worthless bullpen, we can’t do it, hoo, hoo, boo, hoo.
I told you to stop that. Be a man. Grow up.
Here’s your chance to climb aboard — from now on, I’m going to prove to you how this club will win the NL East. I’m out on a limb. I’m rolling the dice and shuffling the cards. I’m making a proclamation…
The Phillies will win the NL East in 2014!
Now stop your bellyaching.