I want to apologize to my readership. I’ve been following the wrong team and reporting to you on the wrong players. How could I be so dumb?
I refer to Ryan Howard’s quote in Friday’s Inquirer, below.
“We’ve had a couple of mistakes that cost us games. But in all actuality, we’ve actually played very well this year.” Ryan Howard.
Who would have known?
Couple of mistakes? Played well?
Richie Asburn is turning over in his grave. Harry is speechless. Is the big Piece delusional?
They left so many base runners stranded, U.S. Navy choppers were called in. They’ve made so many errors, Catholic nuns with rulers were sought out, the older the better. They’ve misplayed so many balls, the Little League coaches association is suing.
And Larry Bowa thinks he’s hallucinating.
Ryne Sandberg — since the game was easy for him — thought all he had to do was fill out the lineup card. Wait, he’s got to tell Revere that when he flies through the air, he actually has to catch the ball, too?
Reader Al, my glasses, they’re not rosy, just a little tainted by the Philly pollution. You’ll see, when you come back from the Peach State.
If he played the entire season here — Braun, not Al — he’d be in the Hall of Fame, that is, lol, if they didn’t find suspicious stuff in his pee-pee.
He came to the City of Brotherly Love with zero RBIs and left with 10 — and with a homeboy smirk on his face.
Now here’s the thing, all kidding aside.
Sandberg is too nice. He’s a Hall of Famer, sure, but a nice guy from Spokane, Washington. His mother was a nurse and his dad a mortician. Did you ever know a mortician’s son who wasn’t nice-nice?
As a kid, he probably worked the viewings: “This way, please, while the dearly beloved rests,” flashing that Spokane smile.
After Braun hit three home runs, why wasn’t he introduced to the Citizens Bank dirt around home plate? Not once, maybe not even twice. But oh, no, Mr. Sandberg the mortician’s son wouldn’t do that. “Oh, that could be dangerous. I’ve seen how the dead look.”
If Bowa were running the team? Braun would have been approaching home plate like he was walking through a Vietcong mine field.
Plus, with Bowa the Skipper? After the dingers, the only strike Braun might have seen would’ve been at the bowling alley, trust me. With Bowa manager, Braun would call in sick the next time the Brewers come here.
Bowa needs to take the Skipper out to some girlie bars and get him loaded and put a few 10-spots in the garters. Or take him to Pat’s in South Philly at 3 a.m., half drunk, yelling ‘Geno’s sucks.’
How about at the Eagles game, end zone seats — way back up where the crazies stand — wearing a Cowboys’ jacket. Spokane? I bet they don’t use profanities there.
I bet Sandberg doesn’t even know what…well, never mind that, my wife reads the blog. Oh Hun, I Googled how they put money in garters and elsewhere at the girlie bars. Very clever way to tip, don’t you think?
The point is, Sandberg has got to toughen up. Or else, we’re going to nice our way into another 53 win season. And blog writer Ron is going to look dumber than s _ _ _.